How was your Valentine’s Day? Was it all you hoped it would be? Was it a big disappointment? Do you not care at all?
I thought this would be a good week to mention my second favorite/most used personality trait:
The Five Love Languages
These have been around a very long time.
I know. I brushed them off for the longest time.
I truly opened my mind to the idea of there being a primary way that we each feel and show love roughly 3 years ago. A mommy book club I was in read The Five Love Languages for Children. MyChild was too young at the time to truly have a “language,” but there were definitely patterns I saw in her after reading the book – she just beamed when I praised her and she she was never happier than when MyHusband/HerDad wrestled with her. I found it quite interesting that even as a 3 year old, she was feeling loved in very different ways from either of us.
Then, in late 2015 my marriage hit a snag (tripped over a canyon is more like it) and as we struggled to find ourselves and work on our marriage, I took the Five Love Languages Test myself.
My language is loud and clear Acts of Service.
I sent my results to MyHusband and he also took the test.
HIS language is Words of Affirmation.
If you have done any work with the love languages, you might start to see (as we did) WHY we had had problems all along. Deep seated resentment rears its head in horrible ways.
Let me explain.
Personally, I SHOW love by doing things for others. This can be big things (a huge favor), but it also can be small things (doing the dishes). I RECEIVE love/feel truly loved in the same way – maybe by taking care of something simple just so I don’t have to.
Conversely, MyHusband SAYS his love and feels most loved when he HEARS it as well.
This is going to sound very cynical (maybe you feel this way or know someone like me), but to me, words are just words. They can be manipulated, changed, interpreted. Hell, I’m a writer – I get paid to use words persuasively to convince you to give me money (#fundraising). I could win Oscars with some of the shit I spun in college to boyfriends, frenimies, and professors. #sorrynotsorry
I am much more of a shower than a say-er.
MyHusband is EXACTLY THE OPPOSITE.
Recognizing our love languages in ourselves and in each other has played a major role in how we’ve grown together over the past few years. We have each learned to consciously think about how the other feels loved and what we can do to achieve that. We have also become much better at recognizing in ourselves when we are not feeling like our needs are being met.
So, while my previous personality traits (Hogwarts House Sorting | Myers Brigs Typing) have been fairly selfish/self-centered/self-serving (NONE of which are bad when you are trying to learn about yourself), learning your own Love Language can make you a better spouse, significant other, friend, parent, all-around person.
Think about it. If you know what YOU need to feel loved, you can share it. If you are feeling full of love, you are more likely to spread it.
Learn about Yourself and your People
Have a Lovely Weekend!