Remarkable

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But what do you do when you don’t feel remarkable?

“Here is where we wage war on the blank page, where we band together to find purpose in our art and lives, where we discover our true voices. If you have a passion for creativity and changing the world, this is for your.” Jeff Goins

I am afraid of the blank page. That moment you are staring a nothing but white and a little blinking cursor.

There is just too much nothingness. Too many directions you can go. Too many choices you need to make. Who am I to decide what that page turns in to?

Oh. Right.

I am a writer.

 

Lately, writing has been especially scary for me. I have been paralyzed with fear. Fear of what, I am not sure. I know it stems directly from my job and stresses and struggles I am dealing with there.

I am always open to constructive criticism. I can even deal with straight up criticism pretty well. I have no problems when there are edits that need to be done, though I do grit my teeth and shake my head when I don’t agree with said edits.

My latest problem is when changes are made JUST for the sake of making changes. My boss has recently said, “You know I had to make SOME adjustments,” and laughed. THAT’s super mature.

On a separate occasion, she asked another member of our team to ask me for help writing a piece. I drafted it, returned it to both the coworker and our boss, and my boss rewrote the entire thing. Here’s my question:

“If you already know exactly what you want, why waste MY time drafting a piece that won’t be what you want, because you haven’t told me what you want?”

This is a common thing in our office lately:

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… in all variations.

This frustration and paralysis at work has seeped into everything I’ve tried to write. I barely want to write in my journal. I know no one with edit or critique that, but the inspiration is just not here. HOWEVER, I am working on it.

I have adapted a cavalier, Who-gives-a-f@ck attitude and figure, “If it’s going to be edited to death anyway, why not start with writing how I want it to be?”

So, here I am… trying to be

Remarkable.

2 thoughts on “Remarkable

  1. Pingback: Friday Favorites: Oxford Comma – I am Sandy Kay

  2. Pingback: Show and Tell Tuesday: The Struggle is Real | I am Sandy Kay

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